ページの画像
PDF
ePub

"A rubicund nose signifies, above all others, a greedy man, impious, obstinate, voluptuous, a gross feeder, of a rude disposition and slender capacity.

"A nose which is pretty large every way, and rather flat at the point, marks a peaceful man, of a sweet temper, faithful, industrious, secret, and of a good intellect.

"A nose which hath pretty hairy nostrils, is every way pretty large, and rather thin where it parts from the forehead, denotes a man of good condition in all things, and easily persuaded to either side.

"A nose which is large every way, and hath wide nostrils, portends a man of a gross disposition, more simple than sage, lying, deceitful, subtle, quarrelsome, luxurious, envious, and vainglorious."1

This probably will suffice for a specimen of those works which three centuries after their author's death were held in such account that it was believed their priceless secrets were guarded by demons!2

If, however, any one long to know the deep philosophy of a child's first cry and wail, let him take Master Michael's resolution of it thus: "A male child cries, Oa;' a female cries, 'Oe;' as if the

1 Cap. Ixiv.

[ocr errors]

2 "Ut puto, in Scotia libri ipsius dicebantur me puero extare sed sine horrore quodam non posse attingi ob malorum daemonum praestigias, quae illis apertis fiebant." Dempsteri Hist. Ecclesiast. Gentis Scotorum, p. 495.

male would say, 'O Adam, why didst thou sin? because of thee I must undergo infinite misery ;' as if the female would exclaim, 'O Eve, why didst thou sin? for thy transgression must I suffer a wretched life in this world.""1

Or if any one be studious in the great mysteries of sneezing, let him read that profound chapter De Notitia Sternutationis, which begins thus sagely, 66 Sternuto, sternutas, verbum est; et significat sternutare: Et haec sternutatio hujus nominis ipse idem actus est quasi dicitur sternutatio;" which may be rendered, in Bardolph's words, "Accommodated, That is, when a man is, as they say, accommodated; or when a man is,-being-whereby he may be thought to be accommodated, which is an excellent thing."

1 Cap. xi.

2 Cap. lvii. So in the Stimulus Conscientiae, an English poem of the fourteenth century, by Richard de Hampole : "Unnethe is a child born fully

That hit ne bigynneth to cry and wepy,
And by that cry men may knowe than
Whether hit be or Man or Womman;
For when hit es born and crieth sa,
If hit be a man hit crieth a-a-,
Which is the first lettre of the name
Of our forme fader Adame;

And if the child a Womman be,
When hit es born hit seyth e-e-,
That es the first lettre of the hede
Of Eve's name that biganne our dede."

Archaeologia, vol. xix. p. 322.

LXV.

PROFESSOR OF SIGNS.

PERHAPS in no department of literature is there less originality than in that of anecdote. Every day we see some time-honoured story, called back from oblivion, to “ go the round of the newspapers" with some slight change of scene or alteration of names; and a scholar of very moderate attainments might derive the half of Joe Miller from the jests of Hierocles or other classic sources. Here is a tale which a few years ago was found in all the journals and anecdote-books:

"King James VI., on removing to London, was waited upon by the Spanish ambassador, a man of erudition, but who had a crotchet in his head that every country should have a Professor of Signs, to teach him and the like of him to understand one another. The ambassador was lamenting one day, before the king, this great desideratum throughout all Europe, when the king, who was a queerish sort of man, says to him- Why, I have a professor of signs in the northernmost college in my dominions, viz. at Aberdeen; but it is a great way off, perhaps 600 miles.' -Were it 10,000 leagues off I shall see him,' says the ambassador, and am determined to set out in two or three days.' The king saw he had com

R

mitted himself, and writes, or causes to be written, to the university of Aberdeen, stating the case, and desiring the professors to put him off some way, or make the best of him. The ambassador arrives, is received with great solemnity; but soon began to inquire which of them had the honour to be professor of signs? and being told that the professor was absent in the Highlands, and would return nobody could say when; says the ambassador, I will wait his return, though it were twelve months.' Seeing that this would not do, and that they had to entertain him at a great expense all the while, they contrived a stratagem. There was one Geordy, a butcher, blind of an eye, a droll fellow, with much wit and roguery about him. He is got-told the story, and instructed to be a professor of signs; but not to speak on pain of death. Geordy undertakes it. The ambassador is now told that the professor of signs would be at home next day, at which he rejoiced greatly. Geordy is gowned, wigged, and placed in a chair of state in a room of the college, all the professors and the ambassador being in an adjoining room. The ambassador is now shown into Geordy's room, and left to converse with him as well as he could, the whole professors waiting the issue with fear and trembling. The ambassador holds up one of his fingers to Geordy; Geordy holds up two of his.

The ambassador holds up three; Geordy

6

clenches his fist and looks stern. The ambassador then takes an orange from his pocket, and holds it up; Geordy takes a piece of barley-cake from his pocket, and holds that up. After which the ambassador bows to him, and retires to the other professors, who anxiously inquired his opinion of their brother. 'He is a perfect miracle,' says the ambassador,‘I would not give him for the wealth of the Indies !''Well,' say the professors, to descend to particulars.'—' Why,' said the ambassador, 'I first held up one finger, denoting that there is one God: he held up two, signifying that these are the Father and Son; I held up three, meaning the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost; he clenched his fist, to say that these three are one. I then took out an orange, signifying the goodness of God, who gives his creatures not only the necessaries but the luxuries of life; upon which the wonderful man presented a piece of bread, showing that it was the staff of life, and preferable to every luxury.' The professors were glad that matters had turned out so well; so, having got quit of the ambassador, they next got Geordy to hear his version of the signs. 'Well, Geordy, how have you come on, and what do you think of yon man?' The rascal' says Geordy, what did he do first, think ye? He held up one finger, as much as to say you have only one eye! Then I held up two, meaning that my one eye was

« 前へ次へ »