The good marriage : how and why love lasts
"Ours is a culture of divorce, yet some couples have happy, long-lasting marriages. What is their secret? When so many marriages fail miserably, why do others succeed?" "This book has the answers. Judith Wallerstein, coauthor of Second Chances, the landmark bestseller on divorce, now turns her attention to marriages that work. Based on a groundbreaking study of fifty couples who consider themselves happily married, The Good Marriage offers an entirely fresh vision of that most complex of human relationships. Wallerstein describes what she considers the four basic types of marriage: romantic, rescue, companionate, and traditional. She identifies the natural stages of a marriage and explains the nine psychological tasks - including separating from the family of origin and making a safe place for conflict - that must be undertaken by anyone committed to having a good marriage." "Wallerstein and coauthor Sandra Blakeslee introduce us to a number of couples who speak honestly and eloquently about the intimate interiors of their marriages. We meet Sara and Matt, whose passion for each other still burns strong many years after their first electrifying encounter; Helen and Keith, who discovered that marriage can heal the wounds of an unhappy childhood; Ellis and Janet, who each brought two children to their second marriage and made it work. Thanks to the astonishing candor of these couples, we learn a great deal about how partners in a good marriage overcome difficult obstacles, resolve the conflicts that come with parenting, and keep love alive despite the myriad pressures of modern life." "The men and women interviewed by Wallerstein readily admit that even the best relationship requires hard work and continuing negotiation. But they also convey an inspirational message, for almost all of them feel that their marriage is their single greatest accomplishment. The Good Marriage explains why, and its lively mix of storytelling and analysis will challenge every couple to think in a profoundly different way about the most important relationship in their lives."--Jacket
x, 352 pages ; 24 cm
9780899199696, 0899199690
31708409
pt. I. Thinking about marriage
1. Happy marriages: do they exist?
2. Patterns in marriage. pt. II. Romantic marriage
3. Matt and Sara Turner
4. The first task: separating from the family of origin
5. The second task: building togetherness and creating autonomy
6. The third task: becoming parents
7. Matt and Sara Turner revisited. pt. III. Rescue marriage
8. Helen Buckley
9. Keith Buckley
10. The fourth task: coping with crises
11. Marty and Tina Delgado: a different kind of rescue
12. The fifth task: making a safe place for conflict. pt. IV. Companionate marriage
13. Kit Morgan
14. Beth McNeil
15. The sixth task: exploring sexual love and intimacy
16. The unforgiving workplace
17. The seventh task: sharing laughter and keeping interests alive. pt. V. Traditional marriage
18. Nicholas Easterbrook
19. Maureen Easterbrook
20. The eighth task: providing emotional nurturance
21. Adolescence: a wolf in denim clothing
22. Infidelity in fantasy and reality. pt. VI. Renegotiating marriage
23. Confronting change
24. Ellis and Janet Boulden: a second marriage
25. Coping with children in a second marriage
26. Fred and Marie Fellini: a retirement marriage
27. The ninth task: preserving a double vision
Conclusion: marriage as a transformative experience